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Post by alwaysindy on Feb 2, 2018 10:23:10 GMT -5
Did you hear about the Mexican magician? He said “Uno, dos,....and disappeared without a “tres!”
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Post by gwstexas on Feb 2, 2018 10:28:31 GMT -5
Awww, man!
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Post by pje on Feb 2, 2018 11:56:51 GMT -5
I think the drummer was groaning so much he couldn’t do his thing.  Paul Erlendson |
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Post by billj on Feb 2, 2018 12:15:06 GMT -5
He showed up at my house and trimmed my tres.
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Post by clm1545 on Feb 2, 2018 12:41:48 GMT -5
A while back I called you "my brother from another mother". I may have to rethink that.
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Post by alterrenner on Feb 3, 2018 5:56:56 GMT -5
Gemido-mucho gemido...
--Frank
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Post by alterrenner on Mar 24, 2018 5:06:53 GMT -5
Scientist down here in Florida have managed to cross a centipede with a pig! I'm do't know what they were expecting, but what they got was bacon and legs.....
--Frank
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Post by clm1545 on Mar 24, 2018 8:06:49 GMT -5
See what you started, Tim.
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Post by racermagic on Mar 25, 2018 23:18:37 GMT -5
A horse walks into a bar.
Bartender turns and asks..
" Why the long face"?
I'll see myself out.
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Post by pje on Mar 25, 2018 23:49:59 GMT -5
One of my all time favorites .
Paul Erlendson
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Post by racermagic on Mar 26, 2018 0:15:27 GMT -5
A policeman came to my house and asked me where i was between 5 & 6.
He seem perturbed when i replied " kindergarten".
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Post by alterrenner on Mar 30, 2018 4:12:04 GMT -5
Just in time for Easter, comes this news from one of the Agricultural Universities down here: Their scientist have manages to cross-breed a rabbit with a frog! They were expecting hefty, delicious frog legs, but instead ended up with a bunch of bunny ribbitts!
Happy Easter, and if your on the road, be careful. There's nothing funny about an accident!
--Frank
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Post by alterrenner on Apr 6, 2018 4:53:12 GMT -5
That same Agricultural University has a building where they display dairy farming implements from over the decades...it's their Moo-seum!
--Frank
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Post by raceparke on Apr 6, 2018 7:49:53 GMT -5
One of the farmers working there was a man outstanding in his field.
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Post by harveythedog2 on Apr 6, 2018 8:22:27 GMT -5
A lady was walking in her house naked when there was a ring at the door. The lady said, "Who is it"? The person said "Blind Man"! She figured since the man was blind she could answer the door. She opens the door and the man says, "Nice Rack Lady. Where do you want your blinds"?
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Post by alwaysindy on Apr 6, 2018 9:37:08 GMT -5
Favorite Rodney Dangerfield joke of All Time:
I told my wife I wanted to have sex; she left the room to give me some privacy...
Tim
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Post by racermagic on Apr 6, 2018 15:27:41 GMT -5
" I got a new dog named Egypt. Everywhere he goes he leaves a pyramid".
Rodney Dangerfield.
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Post by racermagic on Apr 13, 2018 18:23:30 GMT -5
I saw the Dr. today. I asked him if my heart was strong enough for sex.
He said " not if you join in".
My Dr had 6 cases of vd last week.... He's alright now.
Rodney Dangerfield.
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Post by alterrenner on Apr 27, 2018 3:27:58 GMT -5
I was talking to one of the students at the Farmer's University down here (their rallying cry is "Eff You") about why he chose to be a Dairy Major?
He answered that he needed the education to keep from making the mistakes he made as a young man on the old farm, like buying that cow that wouldn't give milk
That's right, he chose a whole new career based on a single milk dud!
I told him it could have been worse, he could have bought an overly-pampered cow, and gotten spoiled milk!
--Frank
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Post by alwaysindy on May 26, 2018 9:43:45 GMT -5
I played poker last night with a deck of Tarot cards...I got a full house and three people died...
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Post by clm1545 on May 26, 2018 18:08:00 GMT -5
That one was ok, Tim. Libby even laughed at it.
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Post by racerbrown on May 27, 2018 6:43:58 GMT -5
took me a bit to figure that one out!  duane |
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Post by alwaysindy on Jun 17, 2018 11:49:45 GMT -5
What did JZ call his girlfriend before he married her?.................Feyonce
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AJ
Podium Finisher
I live in a world of bright reds, oranges, and yellows!
Posts: 362
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Post by AJ on Jun 18, 2018 10:38:10 GMT -5
You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there?
European.
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Post by clm1545 on Jun 18, 2018 13:32:21 GMT -5
Cop stopped a redneck, walked up to the car and said "you got any ID". The redneck said "bout what?"
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AJ
Podium Finisher
I live in a world of bright reds, oranges, and yellows!
Posts: 362
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Post by AJ on Jun 18, 2018 15:00:11 GMT -5
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
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Post by drums01 on Jun 18, 2018 17:20:09 GMT -5
You wouldn't believe it but just yesterday I got hit in the head with a can of pop; I'm OK because it was a soft drink.....
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Post by drums01 on Jun 18, 2018 17:29:07 GMT -5
I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps. But don't worry, I'm slowly getting over it.
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Post by drums01 on Jun 18, 2018 17:30:09 GMT -5
If a short person waves at you, is it a microwave?
I knew a guy who was addicted to drinking brake fluid. He said he could stop anytime.
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Post by hurtubise56 on Jun 18, 2018 18:02:58 GMT -5
Picked up a hitchhiker the other day. After a couple miles went by, he turned to me and said "Aren't you worried I might be a serial killer?" I looked him right in the eye and said "What are the odds of TWO serial killers being in the same car?"
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