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Post by jpeeler on Nov 21, 2018 16:55:32 GMT -5
Two psychologists met on the street. One of them said to the other, "You're fine - how am I?"
Jodie Peeler
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Post by alterrenner on Nov 24, 2018 6:39:58 GMT -5
Three psychologist left a restaurant one winter day. The first slipped on the ice and fell, which made the second begin laughing so hard the the, too, slipped and fell. The third avoided the icy patch, recognizing a Freudian slip when he saw one.
--Frank
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Post by alterrenner on Nov 24, 2018 6:47:37 GMT -5
Sorry, should have read...began laughing so hard THAT HE, too, slipped and fell...
I guess that I can't tell a good joke! (wonder what my mother would think of that?)
--Frank
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Post by pje on Nov 27, 2018 14:43:44 GMT -5
Skeleton walked into a bar. He ordered a beer and a mop.
Paul Erlendson
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Post by alterrenner on Nov 30, 2018 21:23:54 GMT -5
I really enjoy skeleton jokes. As a matter of fact, I used to enjoy hanging out with skeletons. They were always so relaxed--nothing got under their skin!
I knew one skeleton that was an artist, but he cancelled the showing of his skull-ptures twice. Said his heart wasn't in it! He didn't have the stomach for a bad show. He just knew the show would flop, that he could feel it in his bones (I think he just didn't have the guts for it!) That, and he was pretty much a lazy bones.
--Frank
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Post by alterrenner on Dec 11, 2018 17:43:16 GMT -5
Got back from the Kennedy Space Center a while ago. Met with some investors to raise money to buy the rights to the first restaurant on the moon. They nixed the idea right away, though--said that no matter how good the food might be, there'd be no atmosphere!
When they found out about my old racing connections, they got real exited! Talked about opening a snack bar on pit lane at the nearby race track! Wanted to call it a fast-food joint, serving snacks like carrots, nuts, maybe fruit cups. I put the kibosh on that idea--don't know a single driver that enjoys food from a crash diet. Besides, everyone knows that when a race driver eats too fast, they get Indy-gestion!
--Frank
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schix5150
Front Runner
"You just don't know what Indy means!"...Al Unser Jr. -1992
Posts: 175 
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Post by schix5150 on Dec 19, 2018 23:11:31 GMT -5
This is a rant. Why do guy throw ideas of what they want then go “hint, hint”? It’s really annoying. Either ask them directly, find someone that can do it, or figure out how to make it happen.
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Post by pje on Dec 24, 2018 14:01:41 GMT -5
A Christmas groan   Paul Erlendson |
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Post by alwaysindy on Jan 14, 2019 13:16:55 GMT -5
I just ordered an egg and a chicken from Amazon...I’ll let you know...
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Post by hurtubise56 on Jan 14, 2019 15:32:06 GMT -5
My money is on the chicken...unless it has to cross a road!
Brian
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Post by clm1545 on Jan 14, 2019 18:32:08 GMT -5
My guess, the same day. Good news, you have breakfast, and dinner covered.
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Post by alwaysindy on Feb 21, 2019 10:49:48 GMT -5
The Wall problem is fixed! Bill Gates has offered to pay for the entire wall out of his back pocket! His only stipulation? He gets to install Windows!...
I’ll see myself out...
Tim
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AJ
Podium Finisher
I live in a world of bright reds, oranges, and yellows!
Posts: 362
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Post by AJ on Feb 21, 2019 13:53:22 GMT -5
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
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AJ
Podium Finisher
I live in a world of bright reds, oranges, and yellows!
Posts: 362
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Post by AJ on Feb 21, 2019 13:59:33 GMT -5
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
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Post by hurtubise56 on Feb 22, 2019 18:04:58 GMT -5
Hey, Jussie, we all make mistakes! Don't beat yourself up over it!
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Post by indy on Feb 23, 2019 1:37:47 GMT -5
Did you hear about the Sea World trainer who was convicted of animal abuse?
They proved he did it on porpoise.
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Post by hurtubise56 on Feb 23, 2019 15:19:16 GMT -5
Scientists have recently reported the discovery of a new species of Rhesus monkey. Early reports say they are delicious, chocolate outside, peanut butter inside.
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Post by jpeeler on Feb 24, 2019 17:42:26 GMT -5
I got in trouble in a meeting last week when I said the U.S. Naval Academy reminded me of citrus fruit. They told me, "Stop comparing Annapolis to oranges."
Jodie Peeler
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Post by hurtubise56 on Mar 8, 2019 19:57:15 GMT -5
Wisdom for today: If you are ever attacked by a gang of clowns, always go for the juggler!
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Post by alwaysindy on Mar 11, 2019 13:15:03 GMT -5
A migrating flock of terns landed in a medical marijuana field and ate the plants...
No tern was left unstoned...
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Post by alterrenner on May 26, 2019 5:02:23 GMT -5
It's been noted that the temperature at the Speedway can often be up to twenty degrees hotter two hours AFTER the race than during the event!
Scientist are at a loss for the explanation, citing possible themo' retention of the structure itself, the return of heat generated by now-stationary equipment, or even a climatic shift from the city's population movement.
I think the explanation is simple: after the race, all the fans are gone!
--Frank
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Post by hurtubise56 on May 27, 2019 10:28:07 GMT -5
A shipment of Viagra was stolen recently. The cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
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Post by alwaysindy on Jul 24, 2019 9:50:27 GMT -5
I have taken up the cause of dried grapes...
I’m raisin’ awareness...
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Post by alwaysindy on Aug 31, 2019 12:11:30 GMT -5
I got some Viagra for my sunburn...it doesn’t help the burn but it keeps the sheets off my legs...
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Post by clm1545 on Oct 7, 2019 20:24:54 GMT -5
wife.... we just ate, why are you making pancakes?
husband... they are for the dogs.
wife... why are you making pancakes for the dogs?
husband... they don't know how.
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AJ
Podium Finisher
I live in a world of bright reds, oranges, and yellows!
Posts: 362
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Post by AJ on Oct 8, 2019 8:53:38 GMT -5
I heard the best man’s speech should last as long as the groom lasts in bed. Thank you very much for your attention. Enjoy the wedding.
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Post by alwaysindy on Oct 11, 2019 11:45:05 GMT -5
How does a rock pee?
He Dwayne’s his Johnson...
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Post by racerbrown on Dec 3, 2019 19:49:00 GMT -5
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table whom he's been checking out ever since he sat down,but he lacks the nerve to talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes, and surprisingly a glass eye comes flying out of her head toward the man who reflexively reaches out , grabs it and hands it back to her. "Oh my, i'm so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "let me buy your dinner to make it up to you". So, they enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. they talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his: and after paying for everything ,she asks him if he'd like to come to her place for a nightcap - and stay for breakfast. Well, the next morning, she cooks him a gourmet meal with all the trimmings and after enjoying another perfect latte he says, "You know, seriously, you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet? "Of course not, she replies. "But you just happened to catch my eye." duane  |
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Post by speedracer on Dec 3, 2019 21:50:33 GMT -5
I got some Viagra for my sunburn...it doesn’t help the burn but it keeps the sheets off my legs... I use viagra to keep from rolling out of bed! |
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Post by alterrenner on Dec 4, 2019 5:43:58 GMT -5
Q: What's black and blue, and lays on the sidewalk?
A: A guy who tells redhead jokes.
It's been my experience that the difference between a redhead and a terrorist is that you can negotiate with a terrorist.
I once watched a redhead change a light bulb--she just stood there holding the bulb up, and let the world revolve around her.
--Frank (with the redhead niece)
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