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Post by alwaysindy on Mar 16, 2021 11:51:35 GMT -5
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board is the most remarkable...
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Post by 2lapsdown on Mar 16, 2021 17:36:05 GMT -5
I admit it, I didn't groan, I laughed
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Post by clm1545 on Apr 5, 2021 12:11:55 GMT -5
Q what's brown and sits on a piano bench?
A Beethoven's first movement.
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Post by clm1545 on May 4, 2021 20:06:12 GMT -5
I just checked my calendar. May the forth be with you.
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Post by alwaysindy on Jul 16, 2021 14:01:39 GMT -5
It’s been a while…
Just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit… it was a Lamb Bikini!
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Post by alwaysindy on Sept 27, 2021 10:35:04 GMT -5
What do you call a Christmas decoration made of $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins…
I’ll see myself out…
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Post by alwaysindy on Nov 7, 2021 12:16:45 GMT -5
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister of Sweden…Right now he is assembling his Cabinet…
I’ll see myself out…
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Post by alwaysindy on Jun 29, 2022 13:18:59 GMT -5
Breaking NEWS: 50 cent has changed his name to 85 cent to keep up with inflation…
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Post by pje on Jul 12, 2022 10:49:02 GMT -5
My wife just told me this one:
If prisoners could take their own mug shots they would be called cellfies.
Paul Erlendson
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Post by indy on Sept 1, 2022 10:59:00 GMT -5
Saw this on eBay….. I mean Pensky for Penske is a bad mistake. Upon further inspection, I wondered how an envelope with what is clearly a 1986 PC-15 had a 1978 postmark!?!? Fake postmark or printing a picture on a legit envelope!?!? My head hurts…. so I’m not longer interested in it. Jordan
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Post by pje on Sept 5, 2022 16:55:27 GMT -5
Once again, my wife found this one on Facebook this Morning:
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
(You're gonna love this.)
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)
Paul Erlendson
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Post by indydog on Sept 5, 2022 19:48:00 GMT -5
(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.) Paul Erlendson Yea... Yea, I did.
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Post by Gary Davis on Sept 6, 2022 12:20:59 GMT -5
LOL...So did I....
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Post by alwaysindy on Jun 6, 2023 10:15:28 GMT -5
I come from a family of failed magicians…I have 2 half-sisters…
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Post by pje on Jul 4, 2023 10:25:31 GMT -5
Stole this one off Facebook.
Where do Bad Rainbows go? Prism It’s a light sentence, and gives them time to reflect.
Happy Independence Day!
Paul Erlendson
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Post by alwaysindy on Dec 26, 2023 20:32:06 GMT -5
I cannot stress enough the importance of a good vocabulary! As an example, if I had know the difference between “anecdote” and “antidote,” Uncle Bob would still be with us…
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Post by pje on Dec 27, 2023 11:41:36 GMT -5
Ok, just found this one:
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
Paul Erlendson
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Post by alwaysindy on Mar 5, 2024 16:40:37 GMT -5
Left some Adderall in my Ford Fiesta…when I came back it was a Ford Focus…
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Post by pje on Mar 21, 2024 22:25:42 GMT -5
fb.watch/qYIVufJpiR/?You’ll have to click on this one and then click on the speaker on the lower right. Paul Erlendson
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Post by indy on Apr 18, 2024 10:50:39 GMT -5
These are not my own, but felt like sharing :-)
1.) I just got fired by the ice cream factory because I can't work sundaes.
2.) Did you see my joke about my chiropractor problems? It was about a weak back.
3.) I've been ripped off. I paid a carpenter to make me a double bed and he's done a bunk.
4.) Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.
5.) RIP boiled water, you'll be mist.
6.) I've written a song about tortillas. Actually, it's more of a wrap.
7.) Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
8.) A seal walks into a club.....
9.) I wasn't that hungry so I just ate a kid's meal at McDonald's. His mother was furious.
10.) A husband is on his deathbed and says to his wife, "when I'm gone I want you to marry Larry." The wife looks puzzled, "but I thought you hated Larry." "I do."
11.) Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
12.) How do you win the heart of a farm girl? Attract her.
13.) A woman fainted and fell onto the airport carousel. Fortunately, she came around.
14.) When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
Jordan
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Post by alterrenner on Apr 19, 2024 8:17:28 GMT -5
I had to think about the "seal walked into a club " joke, but finally got it. I feel like seal-abrating now! That joke definitely has my seal of approval...
--Frank
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Post by indy on Apr 19, 2024 9:00:29 GMT -5
I had to think about the "seal walked into a club " joke, but finally got it. I feel like seal-abrating now! That joke definitely has my seal of approval... --Frank Glad it finally hit you! Jordan
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Post by indy on Apr 22, 2024 9:40:01 GMT -5
1.) What do you call a female astronaut? An astronaut you sexist!
2.) Where do yo find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.
3.) "Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test?" "Call me George."
4.) Two windmills are standing in wind farm. One asked what's your favorite kind of music? And the other says, "I'm a big heavy metal fan."
5.) I heard there was a little-person fortune teller that robbed a bank and is yet to be caught by police. They're looking for a small medium at large.
6.) What do you call a singer with a laptop on her head? A Dell.
7.) Why do cows wear bells? They're horns don't work.
8.) What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? A chicken sees a salad.
9.) A bear walks into a bar and says, "give me a whiskey and................ cola." "Why the big pause?", asked the bartender. The bear shrugged. "I'm not sure, I was born with them."
10.) Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one.
11.) My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care.
12.) My girlfriend's dog died. So, I bought her another identical one. She just screamed at me and said, "What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?"
13.) What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.
14.) Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for two hardened criminals.
15.) My neighbor's been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude in their backyard. I personally am on the fence.
16.) I threw a ball for my dog. It's a bit extravagant I know but it was his birthday.
17.) My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I just had to put my foot down.
Jordan
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Post by illeagle10 on Apr 22, 2024 11:57:00 GMT -5
I once had a dog without any legs. We called him cigarette.........................every now and then I would take him out for a drag!
Why didn't the rooster cross the road?...............Because he was a chicken!
When cows laugh why doesn't milk come out their nose? We also found out that by planting bird seed you can not grow birds!
Jim
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Post by 2lapsdown on Apr 22, 2024 13:34:03 GMT -5
Jim, feel free to show yourself out John
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